Wednesday, October 7, 2009
I feel like I am in hiding, in the open. School is going well (knock on wood) and I've met some amazing classmates and teachers, but it still feels like my mind is rusted over and creaky at the joints. I'm not used to writing long papers or examining a simple question with anal-retentive scrutiny. Admittedly I'm exacerbating matters by insisting on reading more, writing more, talking more than is required, but since the beginning of the semester I've been cognizant of the fact that this year will determine my desirability as an applicant once I'm ready to transfer and, with good luck and a consistent level of good work, once I'm admitted the environment there will be way more rigorous and intense than anything I'm setting up for myself at community college.
Anxiety is the name of the game, I'm afraid. That hasn't changed, at any rate.
Still, I am so grateful I've been given an opportunity to be a full-time student again. I know I'm lucky, and I plan to take full advantage of it.
In other news, Camden and I went out for lunch and a leisurely stroll a few days ago, and on the way back home I tripped on the sidewalk and scraped the holy hell out of my elbow and shin. It hurts a lot, but it was actually kind of nice because as soon as I hit the pavement a guy who had been passing by us in the opposite direction asked if I was okay, and the owners of the restaurant immediately behind us asked if I was okay and got a chair and a damp napkin so I could wipe away the dirt. They were so sincerely concerned, even though it wasn't really a big deal. I was pretty verklempt. Kindness of strangers, indeed.